Working through a troubled relationship

8 Relationship Problems You Just Can’t Fix | HuffPost Life

working through a troubled relationship

Trouble happens when we're at home, when the mood is sour. . Hopefully these tips give you something to work with, that you will find. They hang in there, tackle problems, and learn how to work through the complex issues of everyday life. Many do this by reading self-help. Dr. John Gottman, the leading researcher on love, explains the four The single best predictor of whether a relationship is working. Four things came up again and again that indicated a relationship was headed for trouble.

The 4 Most Common Relationship Problems -- And How To Fix Them - Barking Up The Wrong Tree

Your partner is distant or secretive about where they go when you're not around. While time apart is essential in any relationship, what your partner does with their free time shouldn't be some great mystery. There's a difference between privacy and secrecy, said psychologist Susan Heitler. You have incompatible sex drives.

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For most people, a mutually fulfilling sex life is incredibly important in a long-term relationship. That's exactly why you should establish your sexual compatibility early on, Heitler said.

working through a troubled relationship

And you may begin to feel that a marriage without sex is unacceptable. Your partner pushes you away. We all have attachment styles that affect our behavior in relationships.

working through a troubled relationship

If you feel comfortable being close and intimate, but your partner has an avoidant and dismissive attachment style, it's going to be difficult for you to bridge that gap, said Marni Feuermana couples therapist based in Boca Raton, Florida.

Your partner is truly a narcissist. If your partner truly has narcissistic personality disorder as opposed to someone with narcissistic traitsmaintaining your relationship is going to be an uphill battle, said Carin Goldsteina marriage and family therapist based in Sherman Oaks, California. Most of the time, they criticize you for making their life miserable.

You can't open up to each other. You need to feel comfortable laying bare your problems and frustrations with your partner. I think many of us bull-headed people assume that all problems are solvable. These tend to be the types of conflicts that arise from a unique situation rather than differences in our personalities.

The 4 Most Common Relationship Problems — And How To Fix Them

This is a conflict that can be solved, using your well-practiced conflict resolution skills. They can become workable, however. The classic example of this is the slob who is married to a neat-nick: She wants the house hospital-clean; he leaves piles of crap everywhere. Being neat is hard for him, but easy for her.

working through a troubled relationship

His efforts to be neat will gradually fade as he gets busy or stressed or just lazy. Cyclical conflicts can actually create intimacy: So the question is: Can you arrive at a workable solution, knowing that you will continue to revisit this throughout your time together? These are the lesser-value gems.

working through a troubled relationship

Can you work with them? Abuse is a deal-breaker that sometimes masquerades as a cyclical conflict. She got tired of having to be stressed-out or freaking out in order to feel connected to him, and she realized this was a deal-breaker for her.

Tony Robbins - How to Rebuild a Broken Relationship - Tony Robbins Relationships

They started seeing a counselor to see if they could establish intimacy in other ways. After a year of trying in vain to make headway on the problem, they parted ways. The difference is that you never really make any headway on the issue.

working through a troubled relationship

Wounding problems generate frustration and hurt, they get worse over time, and they lead to feeling unloved, unaccepted, and misunderstood. These conflicts are characterized by the presence of the four things that the Gottmans have long found to predict divorce: The other person is totally disengaged. Many couples can move their wounding problems into the cyclical conflict category by learning how to fight differently again, those stellar conflict resolution practices.

Common Relationship Problems & Solutions | Relate

So, should you stay or should you go? I shared this framework with a friend who is trying to decide whether or not to stay with her main squeeze, and it was nothing short of an epiphany for her.

She wants more romance; he thinks anything that smacks of Hallmark is needy and lame. He admitted that while romance was hard for him, he enjoyed making her feel loved.