When a Married Client Is Having an Affair
Quandaries of Trust Quandaries of trust emerge from principals being stuck in the Trustworthiness In order for a trusting relationship to occur, principals must If I make a decision without involving everybody, they will now come tell me. Your new relationship is with you all the time, even when you're not together. Your relationship needs to be converted into Everything Forever or .. Another Wait But Why deep dive into the quandaries of figuring out who to. Feeling like your partner or your relationship is weighing you down can be confusing for ways you might be stuck you can figure out if you're being held back. . A little perspective can help you get to the bottom of your relationship quandary.
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We may attempt to prevent the client from making the mistakes we made or, alternately, induce them to enjoy guilty pleasures we enjoyed or wish we had enjoyed. We may want to rush in and save the client or the marriage or feel so powerless that we fail to take appropriate steps to untangle the situation.
Also, if we have unresolved feelings about the impact a parental affair had on our lives, we may need to resolve them before we can help our client.
The situation is made more difficult when the client is in an abusive relationship or marriage. It has been said that there are different kinds of extramarital affairs and that the ones that lead an individual out of abuse and into love and caring stand apart from those which are mere dalliances, sexual attractions, or unconscious distractions from unaddressed marital difficulties or intrapsychic problems.
Certainly, an argument can be made that a client who chooses being treated well over being treated poorly is moving toward health. Often, this happens when clients start to feel better about themselves, more deserving, and angry about being emotionally, sexually, or physically harmed or exploited.
Treatment Interventions First and foremost, we must recognize that an affair is a form of triangulation, that something is not right or sometimes nothing is right within a marriage or partnership and that adultery is a reaction to dysfunction at worst and unhappiness at best. An affair is an attempt to fix the person, not the marriage, and we must focus on what it means to the client, perhaps even what it may mean to the spouse if the truth were known.
All of our clinical energies must be channeled back to the original dyad and whatever is ailing in that relationship. Second, our goal for clients needs to be resolution by ending one relationship or the other. Although stating this aloud may create anxiety for clients, it is important for them to hear that there is an end to their confusion and uncertainty and that the therapist will help guide them to it. Resolution may or may not include telling a spouse or partner about the affair, but it does mean making a choice.
When treating unfaithful clients, along with keeping tabs on emotions arising from our own personal histories, it is vital to be open to myriad and fluctuating feelings about the affair.
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At first, we may view it as impulsive and self-destructive and then begin to recognize it as a cry for help or an attempt at raising self-esteem.
It is important to stay fluid with and present to our feelings and not to get stuck in any one perspective—the affair is healthy or unhealthy, an escape, a self-punishment—until we have a crystal clear sense of what is really going on in both relationships.
She is finally standing up for herself but degrades herself by sneaking around; he deserves better than his spouse but has made no effort to improve his marriage through counseling, in spite of our frequent invitations.
The best stance for therapists to take is encouraging clients to explore all of their feelings about the affair and their marriage or partnership and to help them hold all of these intense emotions, though not necessarily at once. If you make up the support network of someone who is currently in such a predicament, you are undoubtedly frustrated with your friend or loved ones decision to stay in contact with the individual who causes them such distress.
I’m not attracted to my husband any more, maybe because of the menopause
As good friends do, I offered a litany of reasons as to why he should break up with him, bore the brunt of the occasional mood swing and re — assured him that he had done the right thing in walking away whenever he found the strength to.
That was until, somebody did call it quits. As almost a farewell kick in the teeth, it was his ex who called it off. And ironically, despite the constant and unfounded accusations of unfaithfulness which had plagued their relationship, it was his ex who left him for someone else.
To make matters worse, the other day he informed me that he had reached out to the ex in question via Facebook, suggesting that they remain friends. After all, in many instances, you deduce that the happy aspects of the relationship far outweigh the negative.
You make excuses for the other person. You find yourself caught up in lengthy arguments via Messenger which are suddenly resolved without the other party acknowledging their wrongdoing.
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Essentially, you let negative behaviour slide and allow your mind to be thoroughly wrecked. However, if stories that have been relayed to me by friends are anything to go by, myself and my guy pal are far from the only people to have found themselves stuck in a negative relationship with another person. In fact, abusive and unhealthy relationships are now all too common. Disturbingly, Europe — wide research has found that girls from age 15 onwards have reported experiencing violence in their own relationships.
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