Dealing with difficult people isn't easy in general, but how do you cope when the toughest person to interact with is your father-in-law? A local. “My wife's parents give her money to buy things we can't afford. In-law problems are common and often include such issues as control, interference, inconvenience and the It means that she is no longer the dominant female in his life. However, your relationship with your in-laws is something you might fail to which undoubtedly causes a few issues around the Thanksgiving dinner table. Your father-in-law expects to spend every Friday evening with your.
I mean, let's face it, the woman was never really a mother to my husband when he was a kid. I didn't really have to deal with her for long though. After we had a blowup over my daughter's name, she pretty much stayed away from us. I love my husband, so they are a package deal.
I think the most tense time was our wedding, but since then and even after the birth of our son, they have been nothing but supportive. We just try to make sure there are no conflicts and that mutual respect is there. We ended up moving 10 hours away just to get away from the drama. We came back a year later when my husband got a new job, but had to lay down the law with her.
We limit the amount of time our daughter spends over at their house. We are friendly enough now, but whatever closeness we shared before is gone. Become a member 8.
The 3 Best Rules For Managing In-Law Relationships | HuffPost
When we were discussing having kids, their fear was that I would not only keep my daughter away from Judaism, but that I wouldn't be inclined to bring her around them. My fear was that my mother-in-law, who has very specific ways of doing things and takes pride in being 'mom' to everyone, would consistently butt in to my parenting.
Well, since she's been born, it's been amazing. We are all-inclusive with religion, and they respect my parenting. What's more is that she stopped trying to be my mom too. Now she approaches me like a friend and we get along so much better. They always comment on how tired my husband looked but never me. Even when I lost the weight after the birth of my son, still no comments on how I looked.
How to Deal With a Difficult Father-in-Law
They visit every two to three months. We found that early relationship qualities and contact alone with the future in-law facilitated better relationships after the wedding. Relationship Qualities and Expectations The majority of brides, grooms, and mothers-in-law did not endorse negative feelings about their in-law relationships portrayed in media images and cultural stereotypes Merrill, Rather, findings were consistent with a qualitative study showing mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law reported positive expectations and feelings in the relationship Turner et al.
Surprisingly, there were no significant generation, gender, or side of family differences on the relationship dimensions behavioral, affective, cognitive at Time 1 or in the positive and negative relationship qualities scales at Time 2 after controlling for age, education, time known the in-law and other variables. Methodological differences may help account for the discrepancy in patterns of findings.
The vast majority of studies of in-law ties have been qualitative in nature e. Thus, we were able to include control variables, and to examine potential differences systematically.
How to Deal With a Difficult Father-in-Law - Detroit and Ann Arbor Metro Parent
Nonetheless, we may have missed subtle nuances. That study examined a distinct population, however, encompassing rural farm families in Iowa in the late s. Gender differences in in-law ties may have waned in more recent cohorts, particularly among non-rural populations such as the participants in this study.
Alternately, gender differences may have less to do with mean differences in relationship qualities and more to do with the components of those qualities. Early Relationship Dimensions and Post-Wedding Relationship Qualities Findings revealed that behavioral and emotional aspects of the relationship formation stage were associated with post-weddings quality of the in-law relationship."Daddy Issues" - Intimacy vs. Control
Findings involving contact with future in-laws revealed interesting complexities. Having more contact in general was associated with lower positive relationship quality and increased negative relationship quality after marriage. This finding is surprising; more contact typically is associated with increased intimacy and positive feelings Lawton et al. Yet, individual contact was associated with more positive feelings about the relationship after the wedding.
That is, contact in general includes the romantic partner. In some instances, the reporting family member may have felt coerced to interact with the future in-law.
- In-law Relationships Before and After Marriage
- The 3 Best Rules For Managing In-Law Relationships
By contrast, contact that is individually initiated may be chosen and foster intimacy. Positive relationship qualities during the relationship formation period were associated with more positive feelings and fewer negative feelings after marriage.
Retrospectively, mothers-in-law and children-in-law have reported continuity in qualities of their tie from before the marriage Merrill, Here, we controlled for the relationship between the mother and own child; thus, the stability in the in-law tie is above and beyond that involving the grown child. Knowledge of the other party was associated with Time 2 relationship qualities when it was included as the sole predictor in bivariate analyses, but was not associated with Time 2 relationship qualities when we included relationship qualities and behaviors in the same model.
Relationship Partners and In-laws
These findings suggest that knowledge of the other party may be a facet of relationship quality; relationship quality was associated with subsequent positive and negative aspects of the tie. Expectations of the In-Law Tie and Post-Wedding Relationship Qualities This study also included a unique feature by examining expectations of the future relationship. Interestingly, expectations of the relationship were not associated with positive relationship qualities, but a limited set of expectations were linked to negative qualities of relationships.
Methodological issues such as the selection of codes or phrasing of the questions may partially explain the paucity of findings, but the pattern is consistent with the literature. Most individuals enter the in-law relationship with positive expectations of their future relationship Turner et al. Fears that the relationship would not be close were prescient of a more conflicted relationship. Notably, many such responses pertained to feeling torn between the two families, particularly with regard to holidays.
Moreover, mentioning other parties, such as birth family members, as a potential source of problems was associated with increased negative feelings about in-laws. It is notable that anticipated problems with regard to autonomy and boundaries were not associated with the subsequent qualities of the tie. Prior research on mothers and daughters has found that problems involving exclusion and criticism or intrusion were associated with conflict in the relationship Fingerman, Findings from this study suggest that anticipated problems extending to the larger family e.
Individuals may master the ability to deal with boundaries of their dyadic tie, but the larger constellation of family members Limitations and Future Directions The study is limited in several respects.
The challenges of recruiting four family members in the throes of planning a wedding were daunting, and people who participated may represent a biased group, favorably inclined towards their in-laws.
Likewise, the sample was homogenous. The scant literature on in-law ties suggests patterns differ across racial and cultural groups. In-law relationships also may vary by other demographic factors such as economic status. Future studies should attempt to capture a broader cross-section of the population.
Further, father-in-laws deserve attention in future research because findings indicate that gender of the parent-in-law affects this tie Willson et al. Findings revealed that the relationship between mothers-in-law and children-in-law may not be as conflict-ridden or difficult as media stereotypes.
There were also fewer differences between daughters-in-law and sons-in-law than expected. Moreover, in general, early positive relationship dimensions were associated with more positive and fewer negative relationship qualities after the marriage. Expectations of the future tie were less important for the future relationship than the actual early qualities of the tie.