It's important that we understand that the concepts of “difficult marriage” and “ good marriage” can be compatible. The truth is the best relationships involve. The person who wants to be both a loyal spouse and a loyal son or daughter can reason it is important to understand the intricacies of in-law relationships. My marriage, like any relationship here on earth, is less than perfect. It has its difficult moments but it is not a difficult relationship. So while Living in Difficult.
Every single day is a choice to stay married.
On any given day, either partner can walk out the door and choose not to come back. Half of us walk. Half of us stay. So, why is it that between you and me, statistically speaking, one of us, or our spouses will walk, and we will get divorced or we already have?
Living in Difficult Relationships
As a wellness advocate, a parenting, family, and relationship writer, an incessant researcher and analyzer, and a wife of almost 24 years, I ponder this question a lot. Her mother explained that we humans are wired to need the following relational connections in their lives: It is certainly easy to see how achieving this trifecta with one person for a big chunk of your adult life is no small feat, right?
And from this perspective, the fact that 50 percent of couples stay together seems rather remarkable. Before you pick up the phone to call your lawyer, please read on.
Because the wise mother continued and went onto explain how it is rare for people to find one person who can meet all three of those needs. Most often, people get their relational needs met through other relationships, like your best friend who is always available to listen to your ok, my existential epiphany that occurred while taking out the trash.
And thank goodness for her, because no matter how amazing any of our partners are, or how hard we try to be the best partner we can be, it is nearly impossible for one person to meet the need trifecta all the time time. But here is where the 50 percent make or break statistic comes into play. While turning regularly to a best friend for a guaranteed soul soothing conversation or a much-needed laugh is a healthy and necessary component of taking care of your emotional needs, many individuals manage their unmet needs in unhealthy and destructive ways.
From this vantage point, it is so easy to let the physical and the soul components of the relationship slip away at various points along the way. Even the most solid couples are bound to experience periods of dissatisfaction in their level of physical or emotional intimacy with their partner. You are feeling exhausted, bored, uninspired, and unsexy or sexy but unnoticed.
4 Ways to Deal With a Difficult Spouse - wikiHow
There is logic to the order of the first three chapters in this section: However, in life there is not necessarily an orderly progression and Kalellis treats each issue more broadly. He also addresses jealousy, relationships with other family members, balancing work with marriage, and managing money. For each he shares good judgment and professional advice in the tone of a wise, caring friend.
The third and most affirmative portion of the book is devoted to showing couples wherein their strength lies.
Why Is Marriage So Damn Hard?! | HuffPost Life
Kalellis begins with what we might expect, love, describing different kinds of love and the contribution of each to marriage. The second strength named is intimacy.
In telling the truth about intimacy, the author illustrates his point with a pair of short fables. Choice and commitment might not at first be thought of as a source of strength, but marriage cannot survive difficulties without it.
I assume the same is true for my husband. Then I could renew my commitment to him. Remembering that one has made a choice and consciously, continually committing to that person truly is strengthening. Finally Kalellis names spirituality as a strength for marriage. For those who believe God is part of their marital relationship, he connects lessons from the Bible to marriage.
He does so in an even-handed way, with sensitivity for people of all faiths. His book ends with three appendixes. The first addresses sexuality, the second lists some eminently practical tools for building a successful marriage, and the third is a Marriage Creed with an invitation to write a personal creed.
Readers can count on a steady voice from Kalellis. They can count on every chapter to begin with a thought-provoking quotation and conclude with points to consider.
In between they will find the insights of an experienced therapist with a Christian perspective, anecdotes about his own life and couples he has counseled, wisdom from Scripture and other writings, and a few comments and stories that will provoke smiles.