5 AWFUL Stages Of Grieving A Breakup | Nancy Nichols
Elisabeth Kubler Ross defined stages of grief (most appropriately for the ways to understand the dynamics of grief at the end of a relationship. You can't believe your relationship is over. You're angry, fearful and heartbroken. Understanding the stages of grief can help you accept the process. Much like the passing away of a loved one, breakups have stages of grief. It's hard not to feel the sting after a relationship ends, and it's even harder lasts longer if you are on the receiving end of an unexpected breakup.
April 25, Breakup's are a bitch. And recovering from a breakup, is a process. It can take weeks, months, even years! The overall timing of the break up process, is different for everyone. AND, it's filled with pitfalls, relapses, resentment and pain. Pain is part of life.
Suffering is optional, babe. I wanted to take a few minutes of your day, to let you in on my own spin for navigating the breakup process, AND getting to the other side of it, fast AND whole!
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We are foggy, disoriented at first. This is also not a natural state for the human body, so we reach out and begin to grasp onto what might steady us again. When did the relationship, turn? Who the hell is this person?
What else have they lied about? How could they do this?
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It can plague our thoughts at work, out with friends, and home alone. You fixate on things your ex said at various times that you see as contradicting the breakup, and you hold onto them now as if they are gospel.
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Yet somewhere within, you have moments of clarity, too. Do set a time limit on these thoughts. When the time is up, imagine an alarm dinging.
The thinking is that, if you don't accept the heartbreak, then it didn't really happen, thus leaving hope for reunion. Denial can also take form of us running ram shod right over the pain. Pay them the respect, the acknowledgement they deserve. They are infinitely patient, and will wait.
Stages of Grief After a Breakup
Walk through them, own them, what does not kill us makes us stronger, dearest one! Allow them to wash over you, breathing them in deeply and exhaling them, as the wave recedes gently back into the ocean. The more we fight the waves, the more likely they will smash us to bits on the shoreline. Pretending the breakup and the pain you feel is better off if not dealt with will create emotional numbness and leave you paralyzed and stuck.
YOU can make this right!! We tell ourselves that being without our ex is so intolerable, that you can work harder, deal with it, even settle to win them back. Can we get really REAL with each other? The fear of that is so palatable, that we confuse the feeling of fear as a fact of life. Logic has no role in negotiations when fear is driving the bargaining. It's as if the responsibility is yours and yours alone to make it work this time.
If only you had gotten out of this relationship sooner, what harm and pain could you have saved yourself? The long country walks they always ruined by bitching it was too rainy. We both know there are quite a few things, you LOVE to do, that have been neglected lately in favour of spending time in your relationship. Take that weekend girls trip to the spa or to the coast! Somewhere inside, you know that. If you are dealing with an abusive or emotionally unresponsive partner, you may lower your standards, convince yourself to accept less in the relationship, be less demanding, and even turn a blind eye to his hurtful behavior—if only he would come back to you.
But your partner continues to lie, rebuke and reject you, your attempts to change things are futile, and you sink deeper into depression. When you choose to be in relationship with a man who lies, cheats or abuses you, you also chose the emotional pain and suffering of that relationship.
All I want to do is sleep. You have feelings of despair, emptiness, yearning and intense loneliness.
You cry a lot and uncontrollably. You may have weight loss, weight gain, panic or anxiety attacks, insomnia, or acute fatigue. You may drink in excess. Your mind is foggy and your body feels sluggish causing you to crave sleep and isolation.
You are unable to function at work, home or school, or perform normal daily activities. You shut out your friends and family. You feel guilty about your failed relationship, thinking you could have done something to prevent it. You worry about your future without your boyfriend or husband.
You feel worthless, helpless and hopeless. Seek professional help and consider temporary medication that can help you cope with your grief. You finally realize you are blessed to be free of your lying, abusive boyfriend.
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You accept the fact that your good-for-nothing husband ran off with a year-old waitress. You may still have feelings of regret, guilt and anger, but you accept the reality of your situation. You acknowledge that your relationship is over, your partner is no longer a part of your life, and you begin living life as an independent individual. Even with acceptance you may regress to bouts of anger, denial, bargaining and depression.
Give yourself permission to have a bad day, to momentarily withdraw from the world to cry and feel your anger. Based on true events, God, Please Fix Me! God, Please Fix Me!