The Ultimate Parent Survival Guide - The Relationship Bank Account
Introduction E arlier we spoke of the Personal Bank Account. (PBA) and how that Read the Keeping Promises section on pages of the Teens book. The “relational bank account” is a way to think about the goodwill that And when the relational account balance is low enough, the relationship will an emotional bank account, which he introduced in his excellent book the. Let's think of this like a bank account—your Relationship Bank Account, or RBA. (And in my 6 Decisions book, I encourage them to do the same things!).
You make deposits into the relational bank account by showing care and respect to the other person. Making good eye contact, asking about something that is important to them, listening intently, giving a sincere compliment, asking for their opinion, and speaking to them respectfully are all ways of making deposits.
The Emotional Bank Account
You can make even larger deposits by going out of your way to give them something they need or want, or by entrusting them with something that they know is important to you. You make withdrawals from the relational bank account by asking them to do something for you.
When you ask someone to do something for you, the way in which you make the request will have a big impact on the size of the withdrawal you are making. Please be quiet when other students are talking! But when your relational balance is low, making a request is likely to result in grumbles or some resentment, or with downright refusal to do as you ask. Strive to make constant deposits into your relational bank account with every person you interact with.
Remember that every interaction results in a change to your relational account balance with the other person — it either goes down or it goes up.
Keep this in mind, and aim to increase your account balance whenever possible. For the next few days, try to be mindful of your relational bank account balance with people you interact with, and especially people who are close to you or with whom you interact frequently. Make many deposits, and be mindful of withdrawals.
The deposits can be as small as a squeeze of the shoulder as you pass by your partner in the kitchen. They can be as mundane as joining your partner to help fold laundry or rake leaves.
- The Relational Bank Account
They can be as casual as asking about the book the other is reading. The little things are meaningful and should not be overlooked. The idea is consistent positive cash flow, no matter the size.
The Relationship Bank Account | Group Therapy Associates
Our relationship deposits disappear as they get spent and require constant replenishing. Withdrawals What do I mean by withdrawals from the account? These things are nearly unavoidable in relationships, just like paying bills. There may also be some withdrawals that feel catastrophic—affairs, major breaches in trust, loss, trauma, etc.
The Relationship Bank Account
These can leave couples reeling from debt and desperate to find resolve. That can be a real struggle to weather if the account is pretty low prior to the withdrawal. No Need for a Ledger With our monetary accounts, we keep a record of all transactions. I do not recommend doing that in your relationship!
Unfortunately, scorekeeping is a common trap in most relationships. We tend to tally the ways we are giving and how our partner is not.
This creates an adversarial situation where you can quickly lose sight of the idea that you and your partner are on the same team.