Planning and controlling relationship with kids

If You or Your Children Are Currently Experiencing Abuse…

planning and controlling relationship with kids

Ending a controlling or manipulative relationship can be even harder than being in one. In this Article:Prepare to End the RelationshipExecute Your PlanFollow .. specifically for women escaping an abusive relationship with children. To combat the abusive situation in your life, you must learn how to develop an effective plan for escaping abuse and getting help to put yourself into. If your loved one seems to be in a controlling relationship, you can help by Especially when victims have children, they often worry about how they will every day will be able to offer the best advice about safety planning.

If children are involved, consider getting your state's Child Protective Services involved by making an abuse report. A CPS caseworker may be able to get your your children to safety. The downside to this approach is that your children may need to be removed from your custody in order to get them to safety if you are ambivalent about leaving the abusive situation yourself.

How You Can Help Someone in a Controlling Relationship

Call the police whenever abuse is threatened or seems likely. There are several reasons for doing this: The police can help keep you safe.

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If they come while abuse is happening they will be able to defuse the situation. The police will document that abuse is happening. The police can help you get a restraining order. A restraining order is a legal document that prohibits an abusive person from getting near you or your living arrangements.

You can also ask the local court that handles domestic violence cases for a restraining order, but it is easiest to ask for police assistance with this process.

Relationship between planning and controlling

Get yourself or your children a medical exam to document any injuries resulting from abuse and to receive treatment for those injuries. Seek out counseling services with a therapist who specializes in areas of abuse to help you deal with your conflicted feelings about leaving and to help you find community resources and to help you generate your plan to leave.

Seek out supportive group therapy to talk with those who have been in your situation and understand what you are feeling. Domestic violence shelters often sponsor support groups.

planning and controlling relationship with kids

Make a step-by-step plan that details how you will care for yourself when you leave the abusive situation. A social worker or domestic violence shelter staffer may be able to help you problem solve these issues.

planning and controlling relationship with kids

The most important questions to answer are where will you live and how will you support yourself? Can someone put you up temporarily?

I Have Children with My Abuser

Can you get an apartment on your own? Plan a way to achieve financial independence if this is a problem for you, such as finding employment or receiving temporary financial aid from others. Financial dependence can seem like a huge obstacle to getting away from an abusive situation, but there are resources out there to help you.

planning and controlling relationship with kids

When your plan is defined and you've worked out the details of how you will manage, put that plan into action. Simply staying connected and spending time together or speaking on the phone helps isolated victims feel better about themselves. Controlling relationships have their ups and downs. However, there are some things you can do: Over time, if you are close enough and you are sure your conversation is not being monitored, describe what makes you concerned.

Ask what you can do to help, but do not take over. Do not commit to more than you can actually take on. Some parts of the story may feel too shameful to share until months or years have gone by.

If it feels comfortable, gently share your impressions.

  • If You Or Your Children Are Currently Experiencing Abuse...
  • How You Can Help Someone in a Controlling Relationship
  • Are you in a controlling relationship? How to spot the signs of manipulation

Be careful about the advice you give. For example, many well-meaning people tell their friends to obtain a restraining order. For some victims, this is highly dangerous and leads to increased violence. Most coercive control relationships involve a man dominating a woman. This article uses gender-neutral language to acknowledge coercive control in same sex relationships and in those rare situations where a woman dominates a man in this way.

Lisa Aronson Fontes, PhD, has a doctorate in counseling psychology and has worked in the areas of child abuse, violence against women, and challenging family issues for over 25 years.

A professor, researcher, and popular conference speaker, she teaches at the University of Massachusetts Amherst.