The Hot and Cold Relationship Experience - ACW
Love Essentially: Dating someone who is hot and cold leads to freezer But I was badly burned in my last relationship and I'm really scared to. The only place where hot and cold behavior is fun is in that Katy Perry song. It's not satisfying enough for these guys to get with you and enjoy a relationship. New-relationship sparks send smiles to the face, lightness to the step, and images to the mind about what could be. Thoughts of first, second.
Did you make the wrong move? It's long been the rule that when dating someone whose behavior is marked by hot and cold reactivity, you're standing on shaky ground.
Behavioral extremes indicate a power play is being employed. You're left feeling confused and frustrated. Whether done consciously or unconsciously, this type of behavior activates longing and pursuit.
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It's utilized because it works. If we don't understand the game of hot and cold, we can find ourselves pulled into a drama of confusion. Modern dating is tricky. Once we have the ability to see hot and cold for what it is, we're less likely to suffer its negative effects. Understanding this type of behavior is crucial even for those of you committed to not playing games. Follow, and they flee. Because relationship uncertainty makes human beings yearn for stability.
Our automatic response is to chase when the "other" pulls away. What was once readily available is suddenly gone, and no matter how hard we try to regain our partner's former affection, it now seems beyond our reach. No, your partner's not confused. They don't need more time to figure out their emotions. They're not sorting out their last breakup, and they're not swamped at work. Although that may be your hope, it's not the case. And it's crafted for control.
The phases of Hot and Cold: The "hot" phase begins with a bang of overwhelming recognition. Your partner has placed you firmly on their radar. Bathed in newfound attention, flattery and flirtation spark a strong attraction for this person. You quickly find yourself craving more of this delicious new feeling.
This phase lures you into the hopes of the possibility of romance. Contact is reciprocal, time is made to see each other, and forward movement is evident. There's an easy, open connection. The hot phase is designed to get you in the gate that leads to the corral, where you'll later be harnessed.
The Hot and Cold Relationship Experience
Then comes the "cold" phase. Your partner begins to pull away making you long for their previous attention. Whether initiated by a cold-shoulder, avoidance, or lack of communication This phase activates loss, making you yearn for them and wait with bated breath for their call or text.
You wonder what happened and begin to question every move you made. Without realizing it, you've submitted to their need for emotional and psychological control. These are the basic dance steps to this type of behavior. Each step is a phase, and each phase has a cycle. This formula is predictable and consistent even when your partner's reactions are not. Simply put, when you pull away, they'll re-engage you. When you advance, they'll pull away. After a cycle or two of this routine you'll be so confused you won't know which way to move.
The pattern repeats itself for as long as you're willing to play this game. The beautiful truth is that this has nothing to do with you. If you stop pursuing and he comes around, it is okay to confront the behavior.
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Any sign of defensiveness rather than an apology should give you the data you need to know that this person is not looking for a serious relationship. Once you have that data, you may choose whether to continue to enjoy the game playing or move on. Many of my clients know that I spend much of my time dancing. It is not unheard of in the Latin dance community for men to use their dance skills to try to pick up women.
Seduction in Every Day Life: When your Date Plays "Hot and Cold"
You do not find them speaking to many other people and there is usually a ton of chemistry exuded in the beginning. Once I figured out that he was playing, I cut out my emotions from our interactions.
Every once in awhile they resurface and I remind myself that I am human.
It happens when you see someone on a regular basis. Why Cultivating a Life your Love is Key What this person does not know is that I have done a good job cultivating real friendships and relationships in our shared community. Both men and women contact me to share information about this person and it has helped me stay grounded in my conviction that I will never chase him nor will I fall for him. In this way, I can enjoy the flirtatious behavior on the dance floor and not worry about anything else.
Understanding his behavior has given me the freedom to just be myself.