15 Insights on Improving Mother-Daughter Relationships
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What you can influence is the future. Even if he was to change, that would be in the future. The past is what it is.
Step-by-step guide to fix unhealthy father daughter relationship
Stop the regrets now. Life cannot be re-lived, but your spirit can be re-newed. What can you remember that is great about you in your past? There must be something you did, said, achieved, etc. Pick that up, it belongs to you! Now take your thoughts back to some thing you did for someone.
At any time in your life. Remember and note good times that you had as a child; remember times that you were useful to others. Re-establish your worth Take your positive childhood experiences, memories and achievements to understand your worth and abilities. Start to re-establish yourself from those childhood times all through to your now.
You will find that many of the great childhood abilities and mannerisms you had have survived the weather. You can still do great stuff and think great thoughts!
Things your father said or did then are, luckily, in the past. You are now grown up and in a position to replace his words with your positive thoughts. To counter his negative actions with your positive ambitions.
If you start feeling good about yourself, that is very much in order. Promise yourself that things will change, because you will make them change.
There is a divine power given to us by the Creator, free for our use in our proclamations. Call upon that divine power and declare your future shall not be determined by the shadows of the past.
This list of shadows is your new war fronts. Remember you have the ammunition to destroy them, so list them boldly. Strategise for the war Prepare for the fight. Every change must be a result of strategy. What exactly you need to do, the knowledge you need to gain, the tools you need to use. For example, if you are an alcoholic, you need to know which rehabilitation centres are near you, what they do and where they are. If you hate yourself or how you look because your dad once said you are ugly, you need to find inspirational groups and counselors that can put that behind you.
Arm yourself Engage with the tools and knowledge that you need. Seek the views of other people about various aspects of life, and compare those to what your dad made you believe. Balance individuality and closeness. It can be challenging for daughters to build their own identities. Sometimes daughters think that in order to become their own person, they must cut off from their moms, Mintle said.
Both are clearly problematic. But daughters can find their voices and identities within the relationship. We learn how to deal with conflict and negative emotions through our families, Mintle said.
Mintle and her mom had a positive relationship but sometimes struggled with this balance. When Mintle was a well-established professional in her 30s, her mom would still tell her what to do. Then, she realized that she had to talk to her mom in a different way. The next night her mom said the same thing, Mintle used humor: Moms and daughters disagree on many topics, such as marriage, parenting and career, and they usually try to convince the other to change those opinions, Cohen-Sandler said.
Moms feel threatened and rejected that their daughters are making different decisions. Daughters think their moms disapprove of them and get defensive. Stick to the present. It becomes their default disagreement. Talk about how you want to communicate. But if you want to reach me during the day [with something] more urgent, just text me. One way to ease into reconnecting with your mom or daughter is by setting clear-cut boundaries.
Focus on learning to feel worthy of being loved, supported and cared for. Look for the positive things you did receive from your father. If nothing else, you are alive today because of him, so you can be grateful that you have the chance to use your life in a kinder, more expansive way.
Look around you for healthy male role-models. Yes, they are out there often camouflaged as our co-workers, neighbors, or dear friends. However, be mindful of the boundaries they and their families are comfortable with. Deliberately surround yourself and co-create healthy friendships with the opposite sex. Even though I have one of the most loving and supporting partners I could have ever asked for, I value my close friendship with other males.
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As adults, we get to choose whom we want in our lives. A healthy mix of male and female friends adds richness and fullness to our experience. Your father daughter relationship is just one of the indicators of a life well lived.